Mindful Grief.

Written By Jo Ulatowska

1 November, All Saints Day. In many cultures this day is dedicated to those who passed away. But today I’m also going to pay my thoughtful attention to those who live in grief and struggling to fill the void. Including myself.

Recently I've been observing the first signs of autumn (the season usually dedicated to turning inwards), therefore it made me reflect deeply on the passed season. This summer has been a tough one even though it was initiated by traveling to some beautiful destinations in hot rhythms of flamenco. But then, death caught me by surprise. Yet again. When I realised what happened, I already passed the first stage of grief - shock and was going through the second one - denial. Soon after the next stages followed - anger, bargaining and depression. While writing this post, I'm noticing some gentle indications of going through the sixth stage - acceptance and hope. More probably, the last stage - processing grief - is waiting around some close (or more likely far) corner.

People often ask me if mindfulness helps to grieve. It does to me. Some of its attitudes are particularly supportive this time round:

  • Beginner's mind is helping to meet the experience as if it happened for the first time, not comparing the current process of grieving to the past ones

  • Non - judgment is helping to simply take note of thoughts/feelings connected to grief without labeling them as good, bad, right, wrong, or unfair

  • Equanimity is helping to understand that change is constant and unavoidable, therefore it teaches to BE with the experience instead of trying to DEAL with it

  • Self- reliance is helping to trust in the way YOU deal with the process

  • Letting be is the hardest one for me so far, but irreplaceable to acknowledge what has happened and that this is how my life is now (without the beloved person).

Rabbi Earl A. Grollman, an internationally recognised bereavement counselor says: “The only cure for grief is to grieve”. It is a chilling quote but the same time it is profoundly honest and real. The unfortunate experience in the subject has taught me that no matter how tempting is to skip the process, by doing it I'm only going to make many steps back. I can't go over it, I can't go under it, I just have to go through it. And mindfulness is my guide during this challenging journey.

Mindfully,

Jo x

Jo Ulatowska https://minfully-you.org
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